Keeping up with it. I can’t

I wish I was better at writing. I mean like actually keep up with writing, being consistent and having the motivation to keep at it. I mean what can I even put in a blog that’s worthwhile? Or should I be giving up on the idea entirely? How many pointless drafts do I need to make before something sticks? Is it a perfectionism problem? Am I just never going to be happy enough to press post on the majority of my work? 

I ask myself a lot of these questions every day. But do you know what I don’t do every day? Write. I don’t write nearly enough. I have all these goals and aspirations, Ideas and inspirations, but I can’t seem to bring myself to sit down and write every day, sometimes not even once a week. I’d like to find a way out of this but I’m not sure there really is one that isn’t just ‘keep at it’. 

Grief is a confusing thing

I’ve been feeling a little lost after experiencing another bout of loss. I’m still puzzling the pieces back together and coming to grips with the reality of – well, many things. My household lost a kitten this month, oddly enough the day after the Queen died. (I like to think she was needed elsewhere, why else would she have been taken so young…) Life and loss are I’d say, equally confusing and conflicting; all of which are overwhelming. I didn’t believe it for the first couple of weeks, I kept feeling as if I’d wake up from the nightmare but before I knew it I wasn’t, and my partner was off to uni. For someone so used to being alone, I’m also really not. How am I supposed to be optimistic when I don’t understand a thing, everything is such a ramble, constantly. It’s almost impossible to make sense of any thought or feeling.

Sustaining New Habits

It’s hard to build new habits, but there’s two I’m finally keeping up with after years, if not months, of constant slacking, forgetting and most of all, a lack of motivation.

I’ve been attempting to learn Japanese on and off for a couple of years now. I started with learning hiragana which I memorized most of last year sometime; after relentlessly writing and rewriting them until it almost became muscle memory. In the recent six months, I’ve been using Duolingo more but hadn’t been able to keep up a streak longer than a week. I’d practise every day for a week and then give up for 3.

Today I’m at my longest streak ever of 24 days, and I’m determined to make it a month! (Hopefully more too^^).

The other habit I’ve been working on is reading a little bit every day. I learnt in my first year of uni not too long ago how important it is for any writer or aspiring writer to read as much as they can! I read a lot as a young teen, but the longer school went on the less I read and in college and from thereafter I don’t think I read a single book until I started my university course. I eased myself in by starting with a set of small books ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I didn’t manage to read every day and, in fact, I was slow getting through them.. it took me about 8 months to finish “the increasingly inaccurately named trilogy of five”. I did however enjoy the books greatly and soon after finishing the last one started the first book of Game of Thrones which I’ve read every day for the past 16 days and gotten halfway through already! (For some perspective one Game of Thrones book is about the same length as all 5 Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books!) So there’s a big improvement there already!^^

I’m aiming to finish reading the first book by the end of this month so I can move onto the next one^^

Setting a smaller goal

Its hard to keep up with writing, especially when the simple task of existing is a challenge itself. Motivation doesn’t come easily for me and living with bpd makes it all the more chaotic.

I want to set myself a small goal of some kind to try and gain some momentum but everytime I try to I tend to loose quickly.

Maybe I can start with a small post a day, every day for a week. Simple posts, updates on what I’m up to and my thoughts at the end of each day…

Does every post need a conclusion and do I need to have a point to every one? I’m not sure, but it’s something I’d like to figure out.^^

Finally got it!

It’s a well-known fact for anyone who knows me that I’m a huge weeb (obsessed with anime). I’ve watched more anime than movies and TV series and I’ve been watching them since I was 11!^^

A favourite of mine is a lesser-known one ‘NANA’. It’s about two girls with the same name – Nana (meaning the number 7 in Japanese) but complete opposite personalities. Lives intertwine and they end up sharing a house whilst living completely different lives, but whilst also building an unexpectedly close bond. One Nana is a musician following her dream in the big city of Tokyo whilst the other is just looking for love…

I won’t tell you too much about it now but I definitely will in the future!😁

The point is, I got a new tattoo recently and it’s one from this anime that I’ve waited for years and I wanted to share it with you all! ^^

Nana tattoo!

A Little Catchup ^^

I started a job in a small corner shop 2 months ago and 1 week ago, I quit. Being such a creative-driven person I find that working such mundane and repetitive jobs suck away at my soul constantly until I have nothing left to give; Honestly, I don’t think it’s at all worth the sacrifice. Don’t get me wrong, several additional factors are stopping me from working a ‘normal’ job but my biggest problem is my need to do something I enjoy and find fulfilling over earning a decent living. Nothing I do from home earns me enough to live off of but maybe that’s because I’m never putting all my effort into it? So far I’ve always either been studying or working alongside my blog, writing and music, not once have I put my complete focus onto just this, so that’s what I intend to try out next!^^

I was really enjoying writing about Zelda as I play it and so I plan to continue that to some extent (it’s been a couple of months since I picked up my switch though so I’m gonna need a recap sesh first^^”). I’m also working on finishing recording another song I hope to release soon as well as plans for a music video of some kind for my previous song Hide & Seek! Another project on the horizon is producing a few more fingerstyle covers to post on youtube, they’re a favourite style of mine to play on acoustic guitar~

I’ve been slacking a lot but I’m still trying to work on my Bullet Journal too^^ I’m hoping to have something new to share relating to that soon too! It has, however, been difficult to get back into my usual routine, I fell out of it for so long and stopped making as much effort towards all my good habits and coping mechanisms that it’s a little harder to go back this time. I think I’ll create a completely new routine and see where that gets me!

Wish me luck!^^

Writing Things Down

I’d like to write more; I like to write freely and openly, it’s a form of meditation, I suppose. But it really is hard to find the time, the energy and often the motivation. I constantly find myself wanting to open up my notebook, turn on my laptop or pick up my phone and write something down. Whether it be something personal or an idea for a piece of writing, it always varies, but I do always find myself wanting to write things down.

A good amount of my uni course so far has been focused on writing, creative writing to be more specific. I’ve been learning a lot but I also feel like I’m not taking in enough of it, or I’m not working on developing my skills enough, that I’m too wrapped up in other things. In order to write well you have to write badly, and be able to build on that, learn from your mistakes, pay attention to detail and allow yourself to be influenced and inspired by the works of others. I’ve been carrying around a little writer’s notebook with me recently (not that I go anywhere…^^’), I use it to write down interesting things I see, hear or maybe just think of whilst I’m out and about. I’ve also been learning to read as a writer which is a slightly more taxing task and takes some serious patience and concentration (I also make notes of interesting things from other books in my writer’s notebook!), but It’s worth the effort – I’ve been finding it incredibly beneficial!^^

Another aspect of writing well is of course the practice, to practice writing everything and everything, revising it obsessively and rewriting it endlessly. It’s a skill like every other, it takes time and effort to develop and there’s always more to learn!

A Lack of time and Excess of Inspiration

I love working on my blog, I really do, it’s something I find a lot of pleasure in doing for a variety of reasons that I’ll get into another day. I have no plans to stop with my blog whatsoever but, Its a lot harder to keep up with all of this and my university work at the same time then I thought it’d be(I’m not sleeping nearly as much as I should be^^’). I’ll be continuing to work on things as I have been so far but that also means I’m going to continue to be late on things (oops, sorry).

The work I’ve been doing whilst working towards my degree has been incredibly inspiring, I suddenly have so many more things I want to research into and write about, so many different types of writing I want to do! – I have a plan for a piece of writing that I think could make an interesting book one day, but for obvious reasons, I just don’t have the time right now. I also have a newfound interest for poetry, I often find myself writing mini poems in my head whilst I’m doing about my day; I also question if that would be something worth adding to my blog?

Would anyone be interested in sharing some poetry?^^

Something a little different^^

I have something a little new for you all today!^^ This is also a little bit of an experiment to find out if anyone would be interested in seeing more of this sort of thing on my blog.

Being the overly creative person I am, I love and miss music. Be it writing my own or just making a cover of others, it’s something I really enjoy doing and really lack the time for so much these days. I did used to upload some okay-quality covers on YouTube but recording like that isn’t something I can in anyway seem to find the time for (it’s ever so frustrating^^’)

So instead I had the idea to record lower quality, less effort covers. I’m really not to sure whether people will be less interested because of the lower quality or not so I’m not planning on uploading the to YouTube. Instead I thought maybe someone here would be interested in them still!^^

Only one way to find out right~?



So, let me know what you think! ^^